Jock Trap

E14 - We look pretty good for dead b*tches

All about dating apps, Chobits, day care, and motorcycle dads.

E13 - Worsties for Trash Pt. 2: Folie à Trois

The Trappers' friendships begin to strain as their sick and twisted edition of the newlyweds' game continues.

E12 - Worsties for Trash Pt. 1: Cambreed and Coheedia

Will a bout of the newlyweds game spell divorce for the podcast?

E11 - RIP to the fallen queens and many more to come

We take a quiz to see who knows the most about classique werks of literature and the writers thereof. We learn the shocking truth about the pronunciation of the name "Fyodor." We didn't already done had enough of ourses, so Frey administers a sickening quiz all about RuPaul's Drag Race. Clock THAT tea. Bex learns that Furbies aren't feline in appearance. A Ru-girl died and Bri just heard...

E10 - We Need to Get Ronny Downey Juber Back on the Pipe

We do NOT fall for all-over-body deodorant! We GO IN on Throb Zombie and drag kings everywhere! Bex SLAMS recent horror film Annabelle (2024)! Frey STANDS UP for the inclusion of minors in the yaoi otaku box! We CLAP BACK at therapists! Bex THROWS SHADE at the critics of Hilarious Baldwin! Bri and Frey CALL OUT broke writers!

E9 - The Woods at the End of the World Knock at the Cabin Door

We resume our discussion from last episode by noting how Paul G. Tremblay's The Cabin at the End of the World differs from its film adaptation. We also discuss the Southern Reach trilogy, problematique age gaps, our relationships with Scooby-Doo, and erotic My Hero Academia fanart.

E8 - Knock at the Cabin Door at the End of the World in the Woods

We discuss the 2023 film Knock at the cabin, directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Is it a messy attempt at pro-gay sentiment or a stunningly blatant homophobic screed?

E7 - You think you fell out of a macademia nut tree?!

[Intro: Dido]My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why IGot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowAnd I can’t see at allAnd even if I could it’d all be grayBut your picture on my wallIt reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad
[Chorus: Dido]My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why IGot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowAnd I can’t see at allAnd even if I could it’d all be grayBut your picture on my wallIt reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad
[Verse 1: Eminem]Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain’t callin’I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottomI sent two letters back in autumn, you must not’ve got ’emThere probably was a problem at the post office or somethin’Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot ’emBut anyways, fuck it, what’s been up, man? How’s your daughter?My girlfriend’s pregnant too, I’m ’bout to be a fatherIf I have a daughter, guess what I’ma call her?I’ma name her BonnieI read about your Uncle Ronnie too, I’m sorryI had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn’t want himI know you probably hear this every day, but I’m your biggest fanI even got the underground shit that you did with SkamI got a room full of your posters and your pictures, manI like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was phatAnyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me backJust to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan
[Chorus: Dido]My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why IGot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowAnd I can’t see at allAnd even if I could it’d all be grayBut your picture on my wallIt reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad
[Verse 2: Eminem]Dear Slim, you still ain’t called or wrote, I hope you have a chanceI ain’t mad, I just think it’s fucked up you don’t answer fansIf you didn’t want to talk to me outside your concert, you didn’t have toBut you coulda signed an autograph for MatthewThat’s my little brother, man, he’s only six years oldWe waited in the blisterin’ coldFor you, for four hours, and you just said noThat’s pretty shitty, man, you’re like his fuckin’ idolHe wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I doI ain’t that mad, though I just don’t like bein’ lied toRemember when we met in Denver?You said if I’d write you, you would write backSee, I’m just like you in a way: I never knew my father neitherHe used to always cheat on my mom and beat herI can relate to what you’re sayin’ in your songsSo when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put ’em on‘Cause I don’t really got shit elseSo that shit helps when I’m depressedI even got a tattoo with your name across the chestSometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleedsIt’s like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for meSee, everything you say is real, and I respect you ‘cause you tell itMy girlfriend’s jealous ’cause I talk about you 24/7But she don’t know you like I know you, Slim, no one doesShe don’t know what it was like for people like us growin’ upYou gotta call me, man, I’ll be the biggest fan you’ll ever loseSincerely yours, Stan—P.S. We should be together too
[Chorus: Dido]My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why IGot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowAnd I can’t see at allAnd even if I could it’d all be grayBut your picture on my wallIt reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad
[Verse 3: Eminem]Dear Mr. I’m-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-FansThis’ll be the last package I ever send your assIt’s been six months, and still no word—I don’t deserve it?I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on ’em perfectSo this is my cassette I’m sendin’ you, I hope you hear itI’m in the car right now, I’m doin’ 90 on the freewayHey, Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?You know the song by Phil Collins, “In the Air of the Night”About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin’But didn’t, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?That’s kinda how this is: you coulda rescued me from drownin’Now it’s too late, I’m on a thousand downers now—I’m drowsyAnd all I wanted was a lousy letter or a callI hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wallI loved you, Slim, we coulda been together—think about it!You ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you dream about itAnd when you dream I hope you can’t sleep and you scream about itI hope your conscience eats at you and you can’t breathe without meSee, Slim—shut up, bitch! I’m tryin’ to talkHey, Slim, that’s my girlfriend screamin’ in the trunkBut I didn’t slit her throat, I just tied her up—see? I ain’t like you‘Cause if she suffocates she’ll suffer more and then she’ll die tooWell, gotta go, I’m almost at the bridge nowOh, shit, I forgot—how am I supposed to send this shit out?!
[Chorus: Dido]My tea’s gone cold, I’m wondering why IGot out of bed at allThe morning rain clouds up my windowAnd I can’t see at allAnd even if I could it’d all be grayBut your picture on my wallIt reminds me that it’s not so bad, it’s not so bad
[Verse 4: Eminem]Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busyYou said your girlfriend’s pregnant now, how far along is she?Look, I’m really flattered you would call your daughter thatAnd here’s an autograph for your brother; I wrote it on a Starter capI’m sorry I didn’t see you at the show, I must’ve missed youDon’t think I did that shit intentionally just to diss youBut what’s this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?I say that shit just clownin’, dawg, come on, how fucked up is you?You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin’To help your ass from bouncin’ off the walls when you get down someAnd what’s this shit about us meant to be together?That type of shit’ll make me not want us to meet each otherI really think you and your girlfriend need each otherOr maybe you just need to treat her betterI hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in timeBefore you hurt yourself, I think that you’ll be doin’ just fineIf you relax a little, I’m glad I inspire you, but StanWhy are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fanI just don’t want you to do some crazy shitI seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sickSome dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridgeAnd had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kidAnd in the car they found a tape, but they didn’t say who it was toCome to think about it, his name was—it was youDamn…

E6 - Ms. Marvel, Mr. Mathers, and Midoriya Shonen

In which we discuss Webtoon, the MCU, and a specific Eminem stan account.

E5 - Fujo no shi better don't

Bex recounts a formative TikTok fiasco and we lament a future in which everybody's queer and nobody's gay.